Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
