Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
