I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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