so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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