I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize