but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
