I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
