He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
