I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
