Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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