How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
