Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
