I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
