I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Randomize
