i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
True strength comes from lack of pants
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
