I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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