i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?