I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
