The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
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I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
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We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken