she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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