She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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