don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
