if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
