If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
