my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you would pick up someone in the library
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
