Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
