dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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