It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
