You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
