You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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