i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm like, not good at living.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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