just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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