I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
