Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
