got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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