dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
ugly people sure do ruin things
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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