How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
