my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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