a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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