bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
