my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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