2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i already hear my dad disowning me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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