So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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