just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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