I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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