Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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