Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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