She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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