He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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