its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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