We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
