Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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