yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
