yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
