I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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