**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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