He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
