Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize