i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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