the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
