I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
