u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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