so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
