it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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