eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
