she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize