I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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