I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
