dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
