she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
