I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
