I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize