Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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