she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song