i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
