Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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