Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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