bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
