And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
