franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
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obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
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You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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