So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
organizing the empties. That sober.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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