Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
