i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
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He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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