I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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