put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
