we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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