ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
