cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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