Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
