Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
