wanna go halves on a baby?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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