I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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