I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
