just tell him i said nine months
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.