We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.