She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
