If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
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Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
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A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad