i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless