new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
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im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
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He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.