Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
