Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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