i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
