I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
